Happy New Year Waaj…

My 2nd new year fell on 7th October. Yap, we all got two of those a year, …unless you were born on January 1st or February 29th, a conversation you need to take up with the parentals. Having the number 3 as the first number in my age is hell-a scary. Because now, I am thinking of my achievements, milestones and epiphany points in life and this is what I have come up with so far:

1. I got me a degree: Yay!now my stupidity has been made official and been put down on fancy paper. Granted all my assignments were done in the dead of night hours before the deadline, and with the assistance of vodka, Doritos and my fellow retards (Waaj, Dev, Abbey…cheers!)…
2. Mastered the art of molesting a tequila bottle: Patron did take me down and there were witnesses, but every other nasty ass liquor with the term tequila, I have wrestled to the ground and there have been casualties. Why tequila you ask? I like to think of it as a hot slut…she is a touch and go type of drink….no need to take her slow or anything. And she comes with her own toys, salt and lime.
3. Kept the country’s population in check (I didn’t say it worked, but I have nothing to do with its state now): Yes, no kids to my credit. No little Waaj’s roaming the streets chanting ‘Redrum’ to strangers or stealing candy from the supermarket. Do I want one of those? maybe, but I have my own growing up that is waaaay off schedule so I will put a pin on that discussion.
4. Fell in love: let’s all take a moment to nod in awe…good!Ok, yes,after running away from it and accusing it of being a Hallmark employee out to brainwash us, it finally caught up with me. I thought the hours of sighing and daydreaming and tummy buttterflies when I see ‘him’ were symptoms of H1N1 version 3. There have been good times, awesome times, ‘I hate you’ times and loads of smiles and tears that came with it (I swear I thought I was born with no tear ducts, then love happened). It has not gone how I wish it to, but where it fails me, booze quickly steps in and makes me feel much better…a toast to my love… 😉
5. Not stopped watching cartoons: in fact, Im fast becoming a junkie. I am on a mission to collect every animation I can find from back in the day right up to the present Pixar production. Some may see it as refusing to let go of my inner child, but I see animations as my opium, my escape from the harsh reality of bills, heartbreak, traffic and life.
6. All perky 19 to 21-year old girls are the enemy: Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the jealous…. aaaah, forget it!I am one jealous gal.This is not because I am getting as old as freaking Ngong Hills, but because I have met my share of little girls who have no shame flirting with someone’s significant other in front of their helpless grown girlfriends. I once heard a chic ask my *ahem * significant other ‘Why are you sleeping with your mother?’, words I will not forget for a long time. I don’t think I look that unfortunate….right?RIGHT???
7. Found the slow cure for Insomnia: Now, before we all nominate me for a Nobel Prize, we all kinda know the answer to this one….the older you get, the more precious sleep becomes. I’m about to bottle the stuff and keep it in a store somewhere. Gone are the days when I could do 4 straight days of going shitface and drunk dialling/texting. I mean, on saturday, I was dividing my imaginary shamba by 3.30am.
8. I have never been chipsed: You would think I am bragging, but on the contrary…I am complaining. Is it because I’m black?….ok seriously, I have watched friend and foe alike disappearing into cars, bushes, rooms na kadhalika. I’m the one left to find the nearest mat home. I’m not saying its on my bucket list, but I am slightly curious… 🙂
9. I have gained and lost segments of my support system: As one gets older, the same person you considered a BFF 5 years ago is not even on your ‘just in case list’ when you need bail money. I have loved and lost a bunch of friends and I can’t say that it doesn’t hurt. But hey, there must be a reason the universe is playing kati and shake with my life and that is to make me a better person…I hope. To those I have lost to the other side, we will meet again. To those I lost to rumors, fights and beef, deuces!To those that stumbled into my twilight zone and still haven’t found a way out, welcome welcome welcome!It’s nice here…can get a little dark and scary,but you’ll get used to it. Love you guys.

Woooow, I am one boring heffer, aren’t I? Even I’m depressed spellchecking this damn list. But then I remember what makes my world go round – my family that I want to kill and hug all at the same time and would take a bullet for, my friends who have put up with my mental state all this time and still want to stick around, my twitter/facebook accounts which I swear to thank in any acceptance speech I make in this lifetime and most of all my sanity…because without it, I have attempted to achieve alot.

Happy New Year Waaj…..