I’m a female….right???

Played with the boys, liked to play rough and I didnt give a rat’s ass about a busted lip or that inexplicable rip in my clothes. That was my life for the longest time. I would say that it changed when I went to high school but naaah!The games just got way rougher and the enemy was one: the girl. It was a firm belief that any boy you came within personal distance of must have shoved his tongue down your throat or his hand down your skirt. And boy did that get this tomboy into some amount of trouble….it suddenly seemed illegal to have former male classmates or neighbours as pals.

Circa 20something or other and things take a turn for the monkey worse. Not only are you accused of catching a case of the feelings for your dude pals but also the fact that you are the ultimate pussyblocker (yeah,those exist too). You are accused of being the 3rd wheel despite the fact that the dude in question has promised to pay off my first mortgage just to tag along and keep an eye on things.

My first interaction with any new dude I meet is a cocktail of jokes, disses and talk of my favorite drink: Cuervo. Yeah, I end up in the friend zone but dammit its the only way I know how to talk to these Neanderthals ( I say that with love fellaz). I will not flirt, whip my hair, swing my hips, drop it low or otherwise twirl my bubble gum around my finger to get their attention. You dont wanna talk to me like a regular human, keep your step count going brother!

But noooo, it doesnt end there. I am a fan of the color black. This means I like my clothes, my attitude, my coffee and my men the same way. And I appreciate your efforts ladies, but stop attempting to add color to my life. I dont need my eyes to light up or my good boob to be accentuated by that top you saw that suits me. I am not a fan of shopping and I can keep my favorite jersey or jeans until they start hanging on to fellow threads for dear life. Yeah, I do like to show off my extra large cleavage once in a blue moon, and dresses arent all that bad. But just coz I tend to shun it doesnt mean im not feminine.

The only downside to acting like a dude is that I kinda started thinking like them. This means I have no problem initiating a 30+ minute convo about a girl’s ass and I will keep mentioning to a chic how pretty she is, but the problem is that I dont notice when I fuck up when it comes to my female friends. What do i mean? We females were cursed with the ‘sensitive’ card in our pack. I will say or do something and someone will step to me and tell me that i hurt she-so and so’s feelings….but I won’t see the big deal or the fuss.

But one thing is for sure, I act and think like a dude but man, you fellaz sure have kept some secrets to yourselves,starting with how a girl can tell if you like them(and no, asking is not an option for us). *Insert Jesse J’s ‘Do it like a dude’ here as I bow out*…..