Ladies and Germs, there are things I done picked up this year that qualify as, I’m gonna saaaay, lessons and ah-ha! moments. Figured I should share them before they bog me down in Life 2012 class next year.
- Bars and pubs are officially shopping malls for drunks the world over. The things I have seen people lift from bars are enough to want to Google if they are on a ‘Most Wanted’ list somewhere.Props!
- Blueberries, Tomatoes and Peas do NOT grow within 4 hours….and no, you can harvest them after 3 days either. Damn that Farmville!
- Love,sex and marriage are overrated. The image I knew and hoped to live through is what I saw in those Disney animations….or at least ‘Pretty Woman’….nope!Never happens like that and it never will. I have seen marriage proposals go like this: Him:Aje Aje!Si tu-do hivo? Her:Poa,lakini nguo itoke China! Him:Haina Ngori…….as in WTF!The word ‘love’ is now used with the same emotion one uses when they say ‘i love meatballs za Buru’. I won’t dispute it exists, but someone best come with a better package than this or else….
- The ATM is officially on a ‘my money’ diet. I don’t know if its the paying of bills that has gotten out of hand or what, but eh eh!nowadays checking my balance comes with that suspense music played on ‘Idols’ or ‘Survivor’. At least my late nite ATM runs have reduced drastically but still…..commission of inquiry pap!
- It is possible to look pregnant and not pregnant at the same time…thanks to one Beyonce. I wont even dwell on that storo…
- Its now the in-thing to date married men/women. Back then, it would be on the hush and low but siku hizi…I don’t know if its coz I have been listening to one too many Classic morning shows or Busted but wah!
- It is possible to use Foursquare as a stalking tool. Hey, just because I end up in the same hood or pub as my crush does not mean im peeping at them behind every trash can…anymore!They have announced it all over the WWW and im simply showing up to add on to the crowd.Just sayin’…
- Kim Kardashian may just as well be the Anti-Christ….how now does that heffer even take a dookie and the internet goes haywire???If she crosses the road, I cant even log on to anything ati coz people are jamming the net reading up on her. I’m not hating but dang!
- Know your friends…watch the suspect ones like a hawk but still keep them around. At the same time, cherish the real ones that have passed security check with no lotion in their baggage (if you get my drift)
- I apparently should start using Viagra. I am getting waaaaaaaaaayyyyyy too much spam mail offering me boxes of that pill for $1.99. Maybe the internet knows something about me that I don’t…oh well….
I can assure you,this list will get longer…once I sober up!Raise a glass and toast to yourself and everything you come with! 🙂