Friends…the most complicated noun to break down!

At this very second (insert date, time and if you have roho, digital clock counting seconds), I talk to people I have known for 20+, 10+, 5+ years and some I have known for not more than 3651/4 days. Some are legitimate drinking buddies(aka Down with Mututho Movement), others are my sounding board for when things are going great or shitty, and some…wait,why are some of them here?Oh well, more people for me to befriend on social networking sites I guess.

Lately, I have been gong through the motions of people I have talked to for the longest time suddenly abandoning ship like they know something I dont. Almost 60% of these bailed out coz of, WOMEN!Apparently im a threat (not sure how, but it definitely ain’t in the eye candy department) and that I want their men. Thing is that these chics cruise into my pals’ lives long after I have known the said dudes and for them to bail on me baffles me coz I assumed they know me. Fellaz, is it that you are wimps and cant defend your stand on our friendship or is it the ladies that are insecure about a tomboy that knows not the difference between eyeliner and eyeshadow(coz that’s a damn cracker either way)? To those that left me mataani coz of a woman, I wish you well and I hope they dont lose all their stockings!

There is that breed of friends that decided to walk away because cooler people do exist on the planet. Dammit I know I’m awkward but si you just tell me?Or better yet, be like those crazy white folks that surprise their friends with extreme makeover invites(I want cameras to show up at our front door and i have to be in mad shock, thereby trying to beat one Agnes’s record of muttering the phrase ‘Oh My God!’). Better yet, give me a warning that our contract is slowly coming to an end so I can make plans to replace you or something, y’know?

They do say that there are those people that will stick around to the end and those that are there for a season. I wish there was a way the Powers that Be could give us an Excel sheet calculating and displaying formulas that let us know who will stay and who will be kicked out of the tribe! The hardest part is not that some of my friends have discarded me along the way like a used juala for carrying maembes; the hardest part is realizing that there are those you have to let go of and they were the coolest, funniest and sometimes best drinking buddies you will ever have. Sometimes I fear that as I get oooooooolder, I wont be able to make friends coz by then everyone thinks you are hitting on them or you want to rob them (typical!)

However, I realized something; There ain’t nobody who is a better friend than your damn self. You know yourself best, you know your shortcomings, your hidden powers and also those moles and beauty spots in the nether areas of your anatomy. In fact, schizos and those with mild Multiple Personality Disorder are the happiest fuckers on the planet…why? coz you have other selves to hang with.Based on personal experience, Abscondita lies to me alot and is responsible for nites when I have landed in mtaro za kajo for ingesting too much cuervo; Rispah is the one that shows me not to be afraid of my shao side; Wanj is the one that has told me that no matter how old you get, boys will still give you cooties if you touch or kiss them(me and her giggle alot btw)….however, it is I Waajiku that makes the final decisions (after hours of bickering and sometimes thumb wrestling).

So raise your glasses to old, newish, new, toxic and ‘in your head’ friends….like it or not, they made you!

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