Inquiring sober mind wants to know…

I have triiiiied to understand the world of the fellaz (yeah,we girls ain’t figured y’all out yet so there!) and everytime I think I have a breakthrough, another road block pops right up…kinda like those video games that just keep adding dumb crap to each level in the name of making the game harder. I read somewhere that ‘the other woman’ must NEVER for a second think that the man in question wants anything more than just to ‘kuta things’ and leave *jimmy gathu, you can jump in at any second with your calc*. In fact, the other woman should keep in mind that she is the laughing stock of this dude and his boys.Why?coz he has definitely said something to them about ‘that chic i can always go to for lungulation’…and that’s you,honey! Anything said in the heat of the moment like ‘i love you’, ‘i care about you’, ‘you are nothing like her’ should be automatically stricken from the record because why?it is absolute monkey balls.

That aside, I wonder if dudes have souls ama they have hearts 3 sizes too small like Whoville’s badass, Mr. Grinch. Why? I have actually had dudes (who may or may not resurface floating face down in a river somewhere) step to me and go like ”sup!Si we hook up?ย I’veย always wanted to know how it feels like to have a big chic in my bed.Here, let me feed you first’. Fine, some of us may have gotten where we are physically from eating while watching TV and relying heavily on the food delivery industry, but it doesn’t mean I’m on 24-hour food support!!!And fella, if you want to know how it feels to boink a big chic, refer to some pics from the most famous bench in Kenya posted all over the WWW. The guy at the bottom might have actually passed out from extreme ass-phyxiation.

Another thing, fellaz, admit it, you guyz all believe you were the best we ever had huh? It’s cool, if I was a dude I would probably do the same. But do you have to come at me with that shit in an argument or when situations get tense?The self-esteem attack trick is soooooo, 2000 and late!Heri we ingia a ‘Yo mama’ showdown than for you to come at me with ‘you know no one will love you like I did?Other guys will not treat you like i did’….sasa hizo ni nini????

The major baffler is communication. Not the gay ‘lets talk about our feelings’ kind of communication…I mean literal kuvuta waya and whatnot. Dudes are allergic to sending long texts. I’m not saying that you send me a daily log of your day’s happenstances, but kindly refrain from sending ‘okay’, ‘LOL’ and other forms of monosyllabic answers. And sticking to the SMS deal, if you don’t want to chat or talk with me, that’s cool…..just kindly send a text or even call with clear stipulations of your stand.For reals! Phone calls I’m not a fan of.Why?I have sat in many a bus or even among friends who unleash the most entertaining of lies on the phone. My own brother once told a dude ‘niko hapa kwa mlango ya cyber.Huoni niki-wave?’….thing is the punk was in front of the TV at home in Kasarani watching Juniper Lee still in his PJs na anangojewa tao(at the time, the road looked like someone’s shamba so imagine the 3 hour wait the poor guy in tao had to endure)!Others have told guyz they are in Webuye or that their phones were off because they were passing through mountains!WTF!Text me!that way, I know I have forced you to take the time off from lungula, eating, taking ninja poops or whatever it is you do in your spare time to lie to me. I’m just sayin’…

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Published by: shikutip

Mummy to Amaliah, pretty decent creative, I am the current cloud pointing champ and an undeniable lover of my fam, my friends, my rugby and my sanity (although I let that one get away)...

Categories Uncategorized7 Comments

7 thoughts on “Inquiring sober mind wants to know…”

  1. I love this! chick you need to carry a knife and when they ask “si we hook up” calmly chuck it and say lead the way. Yes, guys think they the best we ever had and it was best for all involved to let them keep on believing now its out, balls! as for the self esteem B.S of course no other guys will treat me like you did, they will treat me better you shit head. is all i am saying ๐Ÿ™‚

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  2. lordy i gotta me myself a wordy wizzardo, the kinda that will tell me lets perform instead of lets eat. Keep givin me the Lungunation and such kind of word invention, its kiasi like grease, shinny to read and messy when thought about. Go for it shikutipzzle [no pun intended] ๐Ÿ™‚

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  3. I likey!! .At this rate, am physically refraining myself from commenting on every single piece you have written..Brilliant!! simply brilliant!! ๐Ÿ™‚

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