Yeah,you can stop crying now, those idiots in your class stopped calling you ‘Kalomberto macho’ ‘macho spotlight’, ‘fish eyes’ ‘boobless’, yada yada (I dont have to repeat them to you,do I?)….we did grow into our eyes, and we kept on growing, you should see the bosom and derriere we are rocking now!!!!It turns heads for some right and a buncha whole wrong reasons.
We did want to experience life, didn’t we?We wanted to go to f*ing Kenya High (which we didn’t) but we did end up in a school located in a tea plantation,so boooooo to that!but you did make a whole bunch of friends…..from other schools(yeah,we still hated girls then,so chin up!). I just need you to kinda force your head to grasp anything that contains numbers, a formula or ‘warning:explosive matter’ sign coz a whole lot of that didn’t go too well….look out for a host of teacher-parent conferences and a permanent top spot in the noisemakers’ book(good times,good times). Oh,but something good came out of it, we went on our first plane ride to France and learned how to kiss people on their cheeks for a host of times as a sign of greeting, we gained our love for cheese and yogurt as well(we shoulda lost that love along the way coz its kicking our unfit asses right now)…we also did get over our fear of white people so watch out for that one.
You will meet a crazy wild bunch of people after high school. There are a few habits we picked up along the way that have us alomst being hired as official Jose Cuervo ambassadors(don’t get me wrong, that little habit got us through a whole lot of sad times,just tone it down a bit).
I know you must be wondering ‘hey,where are the boys we get to kiss in this whole deal?’…well, we didn’t get those until muuuuch later, so keep drinking doll…keep drinking! I’ll just keep the details of the boys we eveeeeeentually got to kiss in a classified folder,I will let you work that one out on your own.Who knows, you might handle it a whole lot better than I did! And yes, we sorta started tolerating girls and you will absolutely loooove the ones I chose for ya…there are some that were just a pain in our asses and I DO approve you going Delta on their behinds!
Yeah, you will get off mum’s back about money to feed our nasty little habits and make some coins of our own…warning, you are NOT a morning person…I repeat, NOT a morning person!You will be quite the night bug and something known as Hangie will follow you around for sure!
I kinda plead with you to please stop being afraid of letting people know the real you….yes, there are those that will not like it and even abandon you, but its better than putting up a front for some sorry bastards to like us.Screw them and be yourself coz you will meet a bunch of freaks just like you to roam the night with! *insert wolf howl here*. Our taste in music will tweak and turn from that hot mess dad plays in the car(kina Dolly Parton,and yes, he loves her for waaaay more than her music,wink wink! :-D). Careful now, a fella by the name of Souljah Boy will try and derail you from quality music but dont worry, that pandemic will blow over.
Kindly confirm receipt, will ya? Chin up kiddo!!!!
Waaaajiku (don’t ask!)