As the 21st Century trudges on, it is getting harder and harder to communicate verbally. This is thanks to Twitter(where you wish you could meet your followers), Facebook(where you are able to keep tabs on your stalkers and haters), texting, sexting, e-cards,etc,etc. Yeah, the use of song and dance to pass a message to the aforesaid message receiver has been in use for ages…just ask the indians and their sudden ‘jai ho’ moments in their flicks, or those cool 80’s cats that would hold a boombox over their heads while standing in the rain, silently, yet loudly, declaring their love for some mamacita. But you know as time has gone by, neat little songs that are merely 3 and a half minute detours before getting to ‘I LOVE You Street’ have become somewhat obselete….so much so that many of their owners (kina Luther Vandross, Gerald Levert, Teddy Pendergrass,na kadhalika…RIP) kinda moved to the big retirement home in the sky.
Nowadays, kids are counting on a misguided youth who ‘jumps out of bed and turns his swag on’ and yet another one who wants to ‘teach me how to jerk’ to pass their messages along to their peers. Kwani Souljah boy has a KPLC-like switch on his cool which, when in use, allows him to go to sleep as a clumsy nerd who talks Quantum Physics in his sleep????Kwanza nowadays, songs are merely a ploy by the health industry to get our fat asses into shape.Why?Coz all the cool tracks (by mainstream standards) are about a dance move or other. And am I the only one who has noticed that these dance moves forcefully break out your sweat and makes a muscle or 2 to go numb????gully Creep, Nuh Linga, Skip to my Loo, Dougie, Jerk, etc. are ALL a workout session by force. Smart move Health industry!
There’s actually a bunch of white boys who I have given mad props, The Lonely Island, who will sing just about everything under the sun. One of their latest ventures, I Just Had Sex, actually features brother from the West, Akon. This song is actually hilarious coz they dont pretend that they are sex machines and actually state ‘it was the best 30 seconds of my life’. I find this version endearing compared to others that are unleashed by our so called RnB and hip-hop artistes….Birthday sex nini nini,psht!(lakini that one is actually an ok track).
The other group of songs I have a problem with are those by angry women. Not just any angry women, rich, hot heffers like Beyonce and Friends that will tell you how to tell your man to ‘shove it’ coz she can get another one pap!Ladies, tafadhali unless you are dating a fellow millionaire, are rich enough to ensure body parts and can literally ‘do bad all by yourself’, love the song for its beats (or dance moves if your ideal man is found in a club) and then let that go. However, I ain’t saying that you dont pick a leaf from some of these tracks, like those by Mary J Blige who apparently is an inspiring lady (once she got off the bottle) with her music. And one more thing in this light, don’t imitate their make up, hairdos and outfits coz not only is that for show, they have people who I understand are called assistants or stylists who make them look like they shower and change every 5 minutes coz of the way they look crazy fresh!My closest encounter with any form of stylist was stealing something out of my sister’s wardrobe and letting her ‘experiment’ new makeup on my face (which is a bonafide 100% Vaseline terrain).
So which music is speaking on my behalf right now? Anything by Ke$ha (coz the girl sure knows how to party), Britney’s new one ‘hold it against me‘ and Adam Lambert’s ‘If I had You’ coz they contain the perfect lines to katia the fellaz with (tee hee) and just about anything by a certain Tip Harris aka T.I (cant help it, I love the guy)…..oh, and any song that has been covered on that awesome (although somewhat gay) show GLEE is alright in my book….yes, even No Air by Chris Brown and Jordin Sparks – ok,maybe not!!!aight, put your headphones back on people! 🙂