So nowadays,either the thin line between being a mistress and being chipsees has become insanely thin or chips funga is the 21st century version of mistresses. This is coz they stopped (or slowed down) from being one night gigs to chics you holla at every other time to let you dip their hands in the cookie jar. Wherever you fall, here is the constitution according to the Almighty ME! 😀
1. You as an aforesaid chipsee cannot make demands. This means that if you carash at the chipser’s house, you cannot ask for your food or drink of choice, you drink or eat what is placed before you. It is up to you, the chipsing, to gobble up that mud pie and blended slime smoothie with a smile on your face. You also cannot have first choice on movie to be watched, time to go to the loo or time to leave the chipser’s abode.
2. If you are unsure whether you fall in the girlfriend or chipsee zone, kindly draw your attntion to the condoms purchased. If the condom manufacturer hails from a place with no matatus ir Safaricom mast, then consider yourself a lower caste of chipsees. However, if the rubber of choice can be proudly purchased right next to the Nakumatt Junction till, then you may actually mean something to the chipser(read probable boyfriend).
3. You, the chipsee, should expect your number on his phone to be saved as ‘auntie joy’ or ‘dave fundi’. Do not expect at any point to have your picture pop up on his phone screen everytime you call and instead look out for a picture of oscar the grouch or Avril’s legendary green granny pants.
4. You, the chipsee should not expect the chipser to pick your calls before 11am or after 5pm. In fact do not send SMSes hoping to get a reply anywhere outside these hours. They will look for you and not the other way around,simple as that!!!!
5. If still unsure if you are a chipsee, kindly pay attention to the meeting spots selected for your rendez-vous. If you are asked to make your way to a local in Athi River or Ruiru (na mnaishi langata) for hook-up on a thrusday at 11pm, best believe you aint going there to meet his momma!This further extends to if the chipser has never let you in on the matatu number they take, let alone his actual house.
6. You, the chipsee, will NEVER meet his pals, his siblings or his folks…upende usipende!If anything, everyone you and the chipser will probably meet will be by accident on the streets and you will be introduced as any, but not limited to, the following: this is my cousin, classmate, someone who wants me to show them where number 11’s are taken, my mum sent me to take her to nyamakima to take a mat for Kiria-ini, etc.
7. You, the chipsee, must NEVER expect to show up in any Kodak moment with the chipser. this means that you will never be tagged on any of his photos, will never be posted on twitpic/tumblr, or even show up on his phone. If anything, whenever you take a pic together, the chipser will conveniently borrow your phone/camera and delete them ASAP.
8. If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck,waddles like a duck and will one day taste like a duck, then it probably is a duck…….therefore you as the chipsee should realize that ‘if you think like a chipsee, act like a chipsee, are treated like a chipsee and niniyo tako itachapwa ilale kama ya chipsee…then you probably are a damn CHIPSEE!
NB: This is merely a draft and could change, lengthen (definitely wont shorten) and otherwise be amended.